Stages of Life for the Gringo on the US Border

Having lived on the border now for close to 30 years and being a transplant to this special place, I have a unique perspective on the stages a new transplant goes through as they become acclimated to the area. Being on any border is always unique. It provides many benefits in that you can experience two countries at the same time or you can very easily visit another culture or country in the blink of an eye and feel like you really got away but only traveled 5 or 10 miles. With Mexico, this is a very unique opportunity to learn a new language, meet new people, and experience a culture that in many ways is very enriching. However, living on a border can also be a frustrating experience as well. What most new people I see coming to this area and who are completely new to the SouthWestern United States is that they have what I call the "HoneyMoon Phase". They find everything so enchanting and novel. They feel like they have really discovered a hidden gem...and guess what...they have. However, after a few months to a year or two the novelty wears off and stage 2 kicks in. Denial Phase, or Phase 2. At this stage they begin to realize that yes it is unique here but there are many things that are just like from where they came from. They find everyone very friendly but you also begin to realize that even though you have moved thousands of miles away from home most everyone still has exactly the same problems and behavior that you experienced from where you came from. In the Denial Phase people begin to not want to see that they are on an international border and if they aren't familiar with borders in other countries they don't realize that most borders share two or sometimes three languages, very different world viewpoints, and a different culture. At this denial phases you don't want to see some of the things that you don't always appreciate but that are not really the fault of the new people you are living with. It is actually your fault for not realizing that you are in a totally different geographical location and with that comes some things you are not accustomed to and you sometimes don't want to see that. The Denial Phase can last another year or two. Now we are at a crossroads as the Denial Phase progresses to the next phase.... Anger vs. Acceptance "A or A" phase. At the "A or A" you must decide to stay or go. Can you live with this place or are the small annoyances you are not use to going to consume you and drive you away? Usually, this happens at year 3 to year 5 depending on an individuals ability to come to terms with things. "A and A" phase can continue for a few years and is usually pretty ugly. This is where people either become very negative or accommodating towards their new location. For many, they can't adjust and leave with a very negative impression of the border...and this is too bad. Not to say there aren't a lot of problems here....but the person never really learned to adjust to their new environment. They want the environment to change to their liking and not the other way around...and this is not possible. So at this point one either becomes angry or accepts that yes...I live on the border...People speak a different language in addition to English, and yes, the culture is different. If you can not prorgress past the "A or A" phase you will either leave or simply live in misery. I have seen both. Those that leave move on and those that stay stuck in the anger of the "A and A" phase complain and drag everyone down. I guess some people like to live in misery but it really doesn't work for long. If you are able to achieve the acceptance phase of the "A or A" phase then you can truly experience the benefits of living on the border and limit the downsides of living on the border. After "A and A" comes stability and/or maintainance phase where one is able to become part of the community and still retain their roots back home. You become a world citizen and grow. You become more opened and accepting of others and you become more understanding and patient. It isn't easy and many who come here will leave but those that stay don't regret coming.

Psychology vs. Coaching

Having worked as a School Psychologist for 26 years while also obtaining a certification as a Wellness Coach and a USA Triathlon Coach, I have had extensive education and life experience in the realm of psychology and coaching. I have a unique perspective on these two fields and how they sometimes overlap or don't overlap. I often have students come to me at the end of the school year and ask about becoming a psychologist. I feel obligated to tell them like I see it and to make them fully aware of all their options prior to committing years of their lives, not to mention tens of thousands of dollars,towards a degree. It is a very big committment to undertake as a young person or even an older person for that matter. As part of my review for students I often explain to them the number of years it takes to obtain a Masters or Doctorate in School Psychology. School Psychology is a unique field when compared to other areas of psychology, which is probably a topic for another blog post... I will try to stay on topic here, but I like to digress. Anyway., School Psychology is a demanding academic program which requires getting accepted into a program which usually requires GRE exams but not always. Then you have two years of academic classes and a final year (1200 hours at least) of a practicum or internship where you work (usually for free) with a practicing school psychologist who is usually placed in the public school education system. Upon graduation and if you are somewhat mobile and willing to move you will most likely find a job in a public school for approximately $65,000 a year which usually is a 10 month position which includes a week or two for Christmas Break, a week free for Spring Break, and two months for Summer Break....not too shabby there. However, reaises are rare these days and have been for the past 20 years to be honest. Upward mobility professionally is not good either. Currently, (but this appears to be changing slowly) most states require you to have taught in the classroom for at least 3 years in order to be considered for an administrative position which also requires another masters degree in school leadership. With a masters in school psych you are able to teach at the community college level or be an adjunct professor at a university for either an undergrad or grad program in the field of psychology. School Psychologists are not licensed to provide individual counseling outside the school system unless they have obtained that licensure separately through their state health agency. This is a hidden but significant difference because you are not really able to hang a shingle as a school psychologist for counseling individuals privately. You might be able to subcontract out to other schools but this usually works better as a side hustle, Which leads me to coaching. Wellness Coaching and/or life coaching is really unique in the way that services are provided. A coach is in the clear of infringing on the field of psychology as long as they do not conduct therapy, call themselves a psychologist, and focus on the client's future and avoid discussing their past and how it relates to their future. These areas are held exclusively for licensed psychologists and/or school psychologists working in schools and providing therapy to students. Coaching, on the otherhand, focuses on setting goals for the present and future of a person's life. Coaching focuses on an individual's strengths and improving their weaknesses. Psychologists can also do this if they choose, but I find that within the profession they tend to focus on a person's weaknesses and what is not working rather than what is working. Usually,when a person who is not able function day to day is in need of more intensive psychological services whereas a person who simply needs to look objectively at their situation/life and needs help with a plan to set goals, achieve goals, and be held accountable needs coaching. Coaching is actually Cognitive Behavioral Therapy repackaged but coaching is a unique field in that it allows a person with limited training to help individuals with their life success plan in a very similar way a psychologist does but the client is functioning relatively well as it stands.

Aggressive Income

I have been doing a great deal of reading lately during COVID-19. I have read many self-help books as well as financial planning books and books dealing with improving your daily habits to focus more on mindfulness. Mindfullness is a funny word which is really popular lately and maybe means different things to different people. Whatever it means, I tend to have my own definitions for concepts and ideas and often my word is different from the popular cultures word. Mindfulness to me means to be aware of what you are doing and what is going on in your life at the current moment. If COVID-19 has done anything, it has made people more mindful of their life as it was prior to COVID-19. In a way, it is a grand experiment in the cruelest way possible. So many people have died and sufferred due to COVID-19. Covid-19 has created a painting of our lives and has contrasted what it was like before, during, and soon it will define after. We all know how we were living prior to it. Then it hit. Then we sat there and thought a lot about things. The distractions we filled our lives with simply vanished in many cases. Even work changed or disappeared for some. We spent more time with our kids and our husbands and wives. It was easier to look back on our previous behaviors and see what we were doing more clearly because the distractions had vanished or been replaced. Either way, our lives were staring us in the face more then ever. We had to home school our kids, work from home, shop for groceries in fear, and find way to occupy ourselves. When that failed I would sit and think about what I was doing before all this happened and what I could do to change my life trajectory for the better. Hence all the self-help books and financial planning books. I also decided to begin blogging again but not just about athletic training or comopetition but about whatever interests me, and that is a lot. I am a bit hyperactve or ADHD. I jump around a lot in my conversations and ideas...I will try to stay on topic for now. Which brings me to the title of this article, 'Aggressive Income". We have all heard the term "Passive Income". I am not sure who coined the term but to me it is a bit misleading. Passive income is the term given to income which is received without working or doing very little to obtain the money. Even blogging is considered passive income. However, there is nothing passive about passive income. For most, in order to obtain a passive stream of income you must do some very aggressive things. Rental property is considered passive income. However, obtaining, fixing, and renting real estate is a very aggressive endeavor. You are competing every step of the way with other people doing the same thing. It is not passive but agressive income. There are forms of passive income. Someone giving you money as a gift or family inheritance. Winning the lottery which even that takes some effort, and that income received from investments in the stock market. There is probably more examples that I am leaving out. However, at least 50% of passive income streams require some very aggressive actions up front at the minimum to get started. Most require continued effort to maintain. The income maybe easier to obtain than a job but the argument can be made that some "jobs" are actually passive income because they require such little effort to maintain. These are rare but they do exist. When reading my financial books I have come to realize that passive income really doesn't exist. Even the stock market requires you to have money to invest to begin with and in most cases you have to earn that money and then save it which are two very aggressive actions in my opinion. Also, if you notice those who seem to aquire wealth are not passive people. Some maybe very nice, cordial, and polite but most are very focused, driven, disciplined, and yes...aggressive.

Is Your Kid Playing Too Many Video Games?

As some of you may know I am not just a coach but also a psychologist. I guess it is really pretty much the same thing as long as you focus on the future, which that is what I tend to do when I try to help people. I work with kids in schools and have my own kids as well. I just wanted to write briefly about what I feel is probably the biggest threat to your children and it is staring you in the face everyday. It's the computer and how much time they spend on it. Lately most kids have been online due to COVID-19 which is unavoidable. Their time on the internet is likely to increase even more post COVID because I believe schools will be quick to implement a hybrid style classroom once they realize they can save money, improve test scores, and reduce class sizes. This is coming in my opinion and really isn't a bad thing. But I digress,,,,the computer is a tool that can be used in many ways. However, if your son or daughter (usually son) is plaing video games excessively they are missing out on life. We all know this but I don't think it has been identified as the real threat that it is. Developmentally speaking, children have a window of opportunity to interact in-person, in real-time, and in varying environments in order to develop social skills and identify their strengths and weaknesses. When they spend the majority of their free time on a computer playing games they are missing that opportunity. They are not developing normally. You don't hear much about this because parents are busy usually and don't mind that their kids are occupied. However, once it becomes apparent that there is an entire generation that missed the boat on this area of development it will become a very big deal....but it will be too late. Monitoring your child's computer time is highly important. Get them involved in sports, music, art, something that is going to serve them later on in life. Just my 2 cents.

It's Been A While....

Almost eight years ago I stopped triathlon racing and coaching. I have to say I don't regret it. The coaching business has changed a lot since then from what I can tell. The smaller independent coaching businesses couldn't survive. It was kind of like the Walmartization of coaching triathlon. The bigger companies swallowed up most of the clients and a lot of the smaller guys died on the vine. However, I was ready for a change. I had grown tired of the constant training and hustling. I needed a break. Something had to give. So I decided to simplify my life. I had felt really like I was physically falling apart anyway due to the nature of the training I put myself through. Much like this article is geared towards...my article "Divorce by Triathlon" had touched on some of the downsides to the competitive triathlon lifestyle. I felt as though my efforts were not really getting me results and I was not using my time as wisely as I could have been when it came to training and family responsibilities. What I was putting in was not equalling what I was getting out...My heart wasn't in it any longer and I decided to let go of it all. I had always been athletic my entire life and I really felt burned out mentally and physically from the endurance sports world so I decided to slowly return to my roots. I didn't want to throw the baby out with the bath water, but I sure felt like doing it. I had difficulty getting motivated to do any athletic workouts. I had let go of weight training for years and focused pretty much totally on endurance sports. I felt like a ship lost at sea when it came to picking up some sort of training routine. I ultiimately decided that the only rule I would follow would be to have fun and enjoy doing whatever activity it was I decided to do. I also had less time due to my growing family so I needed to find activities I could complete in an hour or two at most. The days of the 6 hour long rides and brick workouts were over for me, and to tell you the truth I didn't miss them. I still enjoyed biking, swimming, running, weight training, and mountain biking, but not as a competitive sport. I decided to buy a fat bike because I simply wanted to mountain bike in the sand along the beach in Mexico. I started weight training again because I wanted to look good physically but only had an hour or two a day to do it. If I wanted to run I would run....If I wanted to swim one day I would do that. There was really no schedule, no pace goals, no power goals, no distance goals. The only rule was to enjoy whatever I was doing and to try to do it as often as possible without it getting in the way of my other daily life activities. Fastforward to today and I don't regret my change in behaviors. I have gained back pretty much most of the muscle mass I lost due to the excessive endurance training. I feel strong again. I look better, feel better, and feel stronger. I don't feel run down or exhausted. It wasn't easy making the change. I was really into the endurance sports and at first I struggled to find fun in my activities. I knew not doing anything really wasn't an option for me since I use training as an anxiety reducer and not just a healthy physical behavior. I see it as important mentally to exercise as it is physically. However, it gets tough when life gets in the way. If you are having fun doing triathlon, crossfit, or competitive cycling and it is working for you keep it up. I am all for that as well. I have been there and had a great amount of fun doing these sports and seeing how far I could push myself. However, if you feel you need a change or that your training isn't getting you the physical results you want then I wanted to let others know that quiting shouldn't be an option. Just change your activies to something you find more enjoyable and let go of the competitive side of it if you feel it is getting to be too much. You might find you can get the same or better results in a fraction of the time.